I Haven't Thought About Cheating On My Wife In A While

My blog has become a little repetitive over the last few days. All I talk about is Marcion and Irenaeus, Irenaeus and Polycarp, Polycarp and John. It must get rather dull for my readership. Unless of course it turns out that I have a readership base who have a similar mental constitution to me. Then the whole world will be in trouble, let me tell you.

I read Dr. Seuss's Green Eggs and Ham to my son (actually he's been reading it to me lately and he is only two and a bit). There is this wonderful repetition in the story where the main character (a seeming proto-type for the Cat in the Hat but more drab looking - is it the Cat in the Hat? The same character appears in Red Fish, Blue Fish) keeps repeating all the different ways he doesn't like 'green eggs and ham' (i.e. 'not with a mouse, not in a house, not in a box, not with a fox' etc.)

The truth is that I think about these obscure matters related to the pre-Irenaean church ALL THE TIME. I think about the text of original gospel when I am metaphorically in a box, with a fox, with a house, with a mouse, on a train, on a plane it really doesn't matter. The strange thing is that none of this interest really develops into manic obsession. I carry out my duties at home and at work. I work sometimes until 2 in the morning (either for the purpose of making money or writing my book - take note of the distinction).

The point is that the thoughts and observations about the early Church have become so deeply ingrained into my psyche that they have formed a kind of 'mental wallpaper' in my head. They fill in the empty spaces which I could otherwise be learning more about 'America's Couple' Jon and Kate.

The thing that I have started wondering about is whether this distraction - and only this distraction - was the original functional purpose of the Bible? Not that it was designed to divert our attention from Jon and Kate of course - although Moses and the original gospel writer would deserve to go to heaven for that blessing alone - but rather, was it intended to fill up the empty spaces in our souls so there is no room for any pursuit of stupid goals that might have formerly occupied us - like seeing how many beautiful women you could actually get to agree to receive your manhood.

I am serious about this. I am not retreading the age old observation that the Bible contains 'lessons' which transform the hearer into a moral person. I don't think this is how the Sadducees or the gnostics approached the Bible at all and that is all I am really interested in - i.e. the manner in which the leading members of the 'true Israel' developed an understanding of the Bible inter pares.

The whole nexus of Jewish Writings and endless commentaries on the Jewish writings is so utterly complex that it diverts your eyes from the mess that would result from doing stupid things - like trying to discover how many beautiful women you could score while married.

Again, I am not talking about just 'walking according to the ways of the community.' When I see how fast my son adapts to new realities it becomes apparent that a given person could learn to obey any system of righteous no matter how complex - and then find time to do evil on the side. Look how many creepy religious people there are. How many philanders. Yet the knock against these people isn't that they don't engage their religion. Many go to churches and synagogues. The knock against these people is that they stopped THINKING about their religion. They have learned to function in auto-pilot.

I am starting to wonder whether there is actually something to Celsus' criticism of the Judeo-Christian tradition. Are the writings DELIBERATELY ambiguous so that it requires more hours than you and I will ever have available to us on the earth to figure it all out? Was it originally designed as this kind of an abstraction?

I know Celsus is trying to attack the tradition. But you can't just run away from criticism because it has malice behind it. Truth is found where truth is found and we as truth-seekers have to recognize it for what it is.

I inevitably see this endless line up of 'spiritual teachers' on Oprah or similar shows and wonder - doesn't everyone else see the 'sameness' of their teachings? So why don't they work? Why doesn't Joel Olstein's 'positive' Christianity work for anyone? Why not Elkhart Tolle (however the hell you spell his name).

My wife always accuses of me of holding up Biblical exegesis as the only 'spiritual path.' I tell her I am Jewish and I don't know any other way nor is there any other way. She proceeds to throw a frying pan at my head.

But seriously, isn't what we do MORE than just A particular way of living the Biblical life? Isn't it the ONLY way to live the Biblical life? (I'm Jewish, we don't have illiterate masses to worry about like you Gentiles). In other words, wasn't the Bible INVENTED as a complex abstraction to divert the eyes of potential sinners from sin?

I know for some Christians this might sound like a stupid way of viewing the Bible but this IS the Jewish way, this IS the way of the Alexandrian Church Fathers, this IS the functionality behind the monastic life - it isn't just a bunch of people sitting around not having sex. It is above all else a bunch of people THINKING A LOT ABOUT THE SCRIPTURES and not having sex as a result of this preoccupation.

I know its not much of a billboard for why someone should enter into the field of study. But let's face it - it's not where the chicks are. Its filled with men who look like you and me not getting it. Women aren't going to spread their legs for this message of salvation because once you 'know the truth' you essentially stop putting out.

So here's my main question rephrased once again in a slightly different way. You have to wonder - why isn't everything just spelled out if it were meant to be spelled out? Why is the message of the Bible hidden behind 'oral traditions' or parables? Could it be, should it be, that the original authors of the Torah and the Gospel wanted to draw us away from the world and into an inner world were we never quite have all the pieces - and thus never quite have the time - to commit evil.

Just a thought based on personal experience.